"Anxiety Is Exhausting"
For every thought there is another thought.
For every conversation there is a question.
For every relationship there are doubts.
For every silence there is a battle.
For every look there is paranoia.
For every action there are worries.
In the moments when you should be at your happiest, and there are no problems or worries that should be present, the people in your life attempt to empathise, attempt to or at least pretend to understand your mind. But you don't have the heart to tell them that even you don't understand your mind. That you too don't enjoy the conversations and battles which stem from insignificant comments or moments. The constant explaining of explanations and small problems which amount to destructive wars. But in reality, to your mind this is essential, this level of analysis and explanation and justification is needed. When you feel like your mind is battling with itself, not allowing you to just exist "normally"... It is tiring. Exhausting.
I find myself apologising (apologising a lot) to the people in my life. Then I step back and realise that I don't know what I'm apologising for - because I don't know how I even reached the place I got myself into.
My head is a dangerous place. My own thoughts and my own company are suffocating me. I'm destroying relationships with the people I love and ruining my own experiences because of my own anxiety.
E C, United Kingdom